Sharing Strugles with the Christian life.

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Dean 信立 on July 19, 2009 at 9:23pm

When I first met my wife, when we were dating all her Church friends adviced her agaist me because I'm from another culture. I was going to her Church which is 100% Chinese speaking, I had trouble with translators, always them feeling (I know) like I am a burden, and me feeling like a burden. After my wife and I got married it was easier, but this was a very hard time. Now we still cannot find a Church we can both feel comfortable to go to together, for quite a long time any Church we went to gave us pressure to go to Church together, after years of this we have just put our foot down when this topic starts and tell them we are and will be going to a different Church unless we can find one for both of us. Things are starting to get easier, really helped to have a strong mind about being not ashamed about going to different Church's and being able to give a strong answer (although in an ideal world we would like to go to the same Church).

Permalink Reply by Leon on July 19, 2009 at 10:32pm

HI Dean, excuse me I don't want to sound too inquisitive,but really wanna know something about you couple. Why wouldnt both of you go to English church since I bet your wife speaks the same language as you; it shouldn't pose problem if your wife is supposed to follow her husband so it is the husband who decides instead of herself; I know your wife is excellent in everything but I do think a wife in Him should be submissive; sure you are good husband and good gentleman while you treat your wife with deference to let her decide rather than yourself.

Permalink Reply by Dean 信立 on July 20, 2009 at 8:31am

We tried this for around a year. Unfortunately in many places language is not just for communication, there is a certain cultural implication that goes along with speaking the language (or so it seems, I don't think it has to be that way though). Maybe there is an English speaking Church we can both go to, but my wife felt quite 'left out' always, even though her English is very good. My Cantonese is okay for small talk if the person talking to me is patient, but in a Church setting I also become left out. We tried a bi-lingual Church, but that was home for neither of us (but I really liked the bilingual setting a lot).

Your question is exactly the question other people ask, this put a lot of pressure on my wife when people raised it, she felt she had to stay around, but she really was not happy. I don't think another International Church is an answer for us to be together, there is a Church I know which would be *great*, another bilingual one, but it is in Dongguan, okay for visiting sometimes, but a long way away. Telling a wife to submit and a husband to love his wife, this kind of is a mutual submission 'in a way'. The husband submits in love, the wife submits in leadership - but neither end up really getting 100% their way, all sharing, all submitting (although usually in different ways).

How about you Leon, do you have anything struggles to share?

Permalink Reply by Leon on July 20, 2009 at 10:40pm

The cultural implication also affected me when I was in Beijing. I was in an international church where visitors must produce passports to get into; I did not want to join local churches in Beijing becose they were proven to be communists' dominant. (it means the biblical teaching had been censured and the party was watching the church activities; such knowledge put me off ).

3 years passed and I got accustomed to chruch service in a way an international church does, and reluctant to attend local church.. but language is a problem . it isn't bilingual and I love learning the language attending the church service, it is simply that I have no idea to join any of the fellowship in English church because they are really "very English" (lol) and the cultural shock cast a doubt in my mind whether I would be happy to get along with them (though I am sure they are friendly and warmly receiving )

Your situation is better cos you always have your wife with you in whatevedr fellowship. I usually have trouble to get anyone for company, and I dislike going alone. My prayers may surpass my hesitation though. at times going alone is nothing.

Permalink Reply by Naomi Poon on July 26, 2009 at 11:26pm

Hey Dean,

are you both still finding bi-lingual church? um... you speak cantonese?

Permalink Reply by Dean 信立 on July 27, 2009 at 4:50pm

My Cantonese is too basic for Church life. Do you know a bilingual Church?

Permalink Reply by Mark on September 29, 2010 at 6:15pm

have u ever thought of starting a church ? going to bible school to get trained up ? etc ? or start maybe a cell group for a start. We cant be pot plants running around with no good ground to feed on the the Solid Word of God. To Grow in the Walk is important. You gotta really pray and ask yourself and ask God how is this church problem for you guys going to work out. Change your hearts and renew your mind. ill be running a project / a movement. which is still in planning mode because my finances are tight. maybe we could even do this together. But..hang Tight ! =)

Permalink Reply by Dean 信立 on September 29, 2010 at 6:30pm

I'm mostly involved with KIBC in Kowloon Tong. I was looking for a bilingual Church so I could grow, my wife could also bring her friends when she wants to bring them to Church and we could have a Church life together. We kind of gave up on that idea, now she goes to a local Church and I go to an International Church. It kind of works for us at the moment.

I'm running a Bible study group within the University group there. Although Kowloon Tong isn't too far, I would have always liked to be with people closer to my area (Fanling / Sheung Shui).